Lost Until Loved
by Miss-Ashley
Summary: Slight angsty (and very romantic) fic about Gretchen´s jealousy...FINAL CHAPTER UP!!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don´t own teh recess characters. But I own Debbie/Delia, Mikey´s wife and all the kids!  
  
Summary: Angsty and miserable little fic about the Recess characters on their 40´s. Gretchen´s POV  
  
  
  
Empty life  
  
I shouldn´t say my life is emty. I´m rich, I´m respected, I made my dream come true...but I´m alone. Totally alone. I´m just Gretchen Grundler, the scientist. Nobody thinks of Gretchen Grundler the human being.  
  
I never got married. Of course. Who would marry a beaver-toothed beanstalk? I haven´t met anyone who has slight personal interest on me.  
  
Apart from my childhood friends. I haven´t met them og heard them for over ten years now. But I know how they´ve succeeded.  
  
Gus joined the army after high School. Last time I saw him, when we were, like, 35, he was a captain. I wonder if he´s a general now? I hope so. He really deserves some honor.  
  
Gus got married when we were 26. I think her name was Debbie. Or was it Delia? I don´t remember. But anyway, they have two children. And they live in Ohio.  
  
Vince, he was a famous NBA player. The best of the best. He retired few years ago.  
  
He lives in Beverly Hills with his wife, Ashley B, and their four kids.  
  
Mikey, he´s a famous opera singer. He is now better than Pavarotti! Of course, with a voice like that!  
  
I don´t know where he lives. I haven´t met him since High School. But he is married, I know that. To a very beautiful woman, but I don´t remember her name.  
  
TJ and Spinelli got married when we were 23. Of course. They were meant to be. I´m happy for them! Seriously!  
  
Oh, who am I kidding? Not myself.  
  
I´ve loved TJ since we were kids. I still love him. But he never saw, and will never see, anyone else but Spinelli. He never saw poor ugly, brainy Gretchen. Who would?  
  
I shouldn´t be thinking of this. Spinelli was my best friend. But I´ve always envied her. Because of her beauty. We were known for this in Junior High and High! ,,The pretty one and the ugly one." I hated it! I hated it so much I wanted to kill someone!  
  
But it´s too late regretting. TJ and Spinelli are married and they live somewhere in New Jersey. And they have three og four children.  
  
It´s only me, Gretchen, who´s alone and miserable.  
  
When I think this, sitting in my lab, alone ( of course) I see a big and sharp knife on the desk. I reach for it, shaking. Nobody will miss me...I know...  
  
Urgh...I don´t like this fic. Seriously, I think it´s pathetic. How about u guys? What do u think of it?  
  
Miss Ashley 


	2. Chappie 2

Disclaimer: I guess I don´t own the Recess characters, it belongs to the Disney firma or something...  
  
Chappie 2, emty life...  
  
Yeah, the knife is alluring. I aim it shakily at my wrist. Oh, God, why do I have to be so afraid of the pain?  
  
But I do it. Slice very quickly at my wrist. Urgh, it hurts. Very much. But I forget the pain when I see the bright red blood flowing down my pale arm. A weird feeling branches down my back. Joy? I dont know.  
  
But as I watch the blood flow, I feel more and more tired. I can´t see anything clear but the blood. Endless blood.  
  
A few moments after I´ve fainted I hear a scream. Uuuuuh. Melinda. My assistant. Did she have to spoil my private death? Can´t she understand I want to die from this pathetic life of mine in private? Stupid girl.  
  
Everything is black. I´m so heavy. I can´t feel anything.  
  
*At the Detweilers*  
  
,,Hayley! What have you done to your brother?!" Spinelli cried and kneeled next to a crying boy on the floor. ,,Benny, are you all right?"  
  
,,That jerk said I couldn´t beat up a boy because I´m a girl!" Hayley yelled and stomped her foot (AN: Her appearance is just like lil´ Spinellis)  
  
,,Did not!" Benny cried and clung to his mother (AN2: He is just like lil´ TJs) ,,She´s crazy, Mum!"  
  
,,Go to your room Hayley," Spinelli said strictly.  
  
,,Why are you always on his side!" Hayley yelled.  
  
,,I´m not. But you have to know you may not beat your little brother or anyone else for that matter," Spinelli said. ,,Now go."  
  
,,Nobody loves me!" Hayley cried and ran out of the room. Spinelli sighed and rolled her eyes.  
  
,,Mum! Phone!" a teenage girl hollered from the kitchen. (AN3: The oldest one, looks alot like her mother and sister)  
  
,,Coming, Alyssa!" Spinelli answered.  
  
,,Yes? Miss Grundler? Wait a sec...oh yes, Gretcen Grundler...that´s a long time....me in her note book? Oh God...will she be all right? I see...no, I´ll come over. Yes, I will. Thank you, bye."  
  
Alyssa had never seen her mother so pale before.  
  
  
  
Dum dum dum....will Gretchen live? Or will she die? Will she find happiness? Who knows if there´ll be a handsome doctor for her on the hospital ;) You´ll find out if u review *points at the blue button below* 


	3. Vibrating with anger

Disclaimer: I don´t own the Recess characters....but I own Dr Weaver and Dr Hill!  
  
AN: I want to thank Adrianics and D.W. Gavin for urging me to write more! But, here´s the third chapter (I´m really really really sorry if there are any stupid spelling or grammar mistakes)  
  
Chapter 3  
  
,,What is it Mum?" Alyssa asked anxiously.  
  
,,Alyssa, I have to go to Philadelphia," Spinelli (AN: Lets just call her Ashley, OK?) said.  
  
,,But why?"  
  
,,Something just happened...you´ll babysit your siblings and your father will be home by eight."  
  
,,But..."  
  
,,Don´t, Alyssa!" Ashley shouted and put her coat on. ,,I´m not in the mood! Just do what I told you to do!" Ashley slammed the front door of the beautiful villa where the Detweilers lived.  
  
Ashley hurried to her car, a black Benz (AN: TJ´s a rich lawyer).  
  
,,Why did she ido that/i to herself?" Ashley murmured to herself. ,,Why? i don´t understand...Gretchen was always so smart...."  
  
*at the hospital*  
  
,,Excuse me, are you Mrs Detweiler?" a tall woman with long, blonde hair asked Ashley when she arrived at the hospital.  
  
,,Yes, I am. And you are...?"  
  
,,Dr Hill." The two womens shook hands.  
  
,,How´s Gretchen?" Ashley blurted out and rubbed her hands together in fear. Dr Hill frowned.  
  
,,Miss Grundler had lost alot of blood when we got her. She´s still unconscious but she´ll wake up any minute. We called you, Mrs Detweiler, because you were the only one we made contact with. Miss Grunder doesn´t have any relatives or..."  
  
,,It´s all right. Although, I haven´t seen Gretchen for over ten years. But, iwhy/i did Gretchen do this?" Ashley asked and shook her head in disbelief.  
  
,,I was hoping that you could tell me." Ashley spun on her heel and saw this male doctor. She could feel her cheeks flush and her knees wobble although she was very happily marrided and 40 years old. The doctor was very tall and well-built, with black, wavy hair, incredible blue eyes and very white and straight teeths, about 35 years old. (AN: *sighs dreamily*)  
  
,,I´m sorry, Mrs Detweiler. Dr Weaver." Ashley could feel her whole body shaking when Dr Weaver shook her hand. ,,I´m a psychiatrist."  
  
,,Ni-nice to meet you," Ashley said softly.  
  
  
  
  
  
*Gretchen´s POV*  
  
  
  
,,Gretchen?"  
  
Who´s voice is it? A woman´s voice? Melinda? No. Better open my eyes and check it out.  
  
Everythin is so unclear. But I can see long, black hair, blue sweater and large, brown eyes. Is it...?  
  
,,Spinelli?" I ask in disbelief. It can´t be. The woman smiles. Perfect perfect teeths. Grr.  
  
,,Yes, it´s me Gretch. How are you?"  
  
,,Weak." I hardly can´t talk. Besides, I don´t want to talk to iher/i. ,,What are you doing here?" I ask.  
  
,,They gave me a call and I came over. I was really worried and..."  
  
,,Why?" I snap. Spinelli´s eyes become wide.  
  
,,Huh?"  
  
,,Why were you worried about me?" I hiss. Spinelli seems confused.  
  
,,Why? Because we are friends, that´s why."  
  
,,No, we´re no. We iwere/i friends, Spinelli. Friends don´t abandon each other."  
  
,,Abandon?" Spinelli is insulted. Good.  
  
,,Yes, you abandoned me. You all abandoned me. Poor ugly Gretchen. No wonder I tried to kill myself! If nobody cares for me, why shouldn´t I die?!" I shout. If I weren´t so weak, I´d punch her.  
  
,,Gretchen, you´re ill. Don´t shout," Spinelli sais surprisingly calm. She stands up. Probably leaving. ,,I tried to keep our realationship alive, Gretchen. I tried! But ievery time I called you/i you were busy with your science nonesens and didn´t want to talk to me. I just gave up! I have three children to take care of. I don´t have time for dealing with you. Look, I ran away from my childrens just for you. And you reward it like that!"  
  
Spinelli spins on her heel and heads to the door. I don´t protest her scowls. Because they´re true. Too true...  
  
She looks back. What now? I´m ill, can´t the bitch leave me ALONE?!  
  
,,You´ll always be miserable if you keep pushing people away. It´s not my fault, it´s not TJ´s, it´s not anybodys fault but you. And the only thing you can do is to snap out of it." she sais softly. Almost gentle.  
  
,,Goodbye Mrs Detweiler," I say dryly. ,,Go back to your husband. Sure he misses you." Spinelli gasps. She found the envy in my words. She slams the soor so hard I feel like the whole room is vibrating. Vibrating with anger.  
  
  
  
OK, I´m working on chapter four....but please folks! Don´t read it without writing a review! I love feedback!  
  
Ashley... 


	4. Mr Extremely Handsome

Disclaimer: Another (minor, though) character of MINE! Everyone say hi to The Nurse! And, I don't own the Recess characters...  
  
1 Chapter 4  
  
Ashley walked very fast down the hallway in spite of her high heels. She was so angry that her vision was unclear and her fists were automatically clenched.  
  
,,How dared she....that bitch," she murmured to herself.  
  
,,M'am! Wait up!" Ashley turned on her heel, seeing a nurse hurrying towards her. The nurse was rather small and curvaceous, with very long auburn hair and yellow-green eyes. (AN: That's me when I'll get rid of my braces!)  
  
,,What?!" she spat out angrily. The nurse´s eyes became wide.  
  
,,Er...Dr Hill wanted to..." the nurse studdered nervously.  
  
,,Where is she?" Ashley hissed, but then she saw Dr Hill walking towards her and the nurse.  
  
,,Mrs Detweiler, can you talk to me for a second?" Dr Hill asked.  
  
,,Actually, I'm on a hurry and..."  
  
,,It'll only take a second."  
  
,,Fine. What?" Ashley folded her arms on her chest and tapped her foot impatiently. To her surprise, Dr Hill smiled.  
  
,,Did she give you a hard time?"  
  
,,It's a personal matter, Dr Hill," Ashley snapped. Being a sensible person, the nurse decided to flee.  
  
,,No, don't take it personally. Miss Grundler is ill and probably doesn't realize that her words can hurt, you see. Dr Weaver is..."  
  
,,Gretchen is jealous of me, that's her problem," Ashley said arrogantly. Dr Hill frowned.  
  
,,Then you should stay for a minute and talk to Dr Weaver when he has talked to Miss Grundler." Ashley shrugged.  
  
,,Fine. It's too late anyway for driving back to New Jersey. I'll just call my husband and I'll be right back."  
  
,,OK," Dr Hill said. ,,The phones are over there. And if you'll excuse me, I have some patients to look after."  
  
,,Detweiler." Ashley recognized her husband's voice.  
  
,,Hi, TJ, it's me."  
  
,,Ashley? Where are you? Alyssa said that you'd just zoomed out and..."  
  
,,TJ, you remember Gretchen, right?"  
  
,,Uh, yes." TJ's tone was puzzled. ,,And what's she got to do with your disappearance?"  
  
,,Well...she....she attempted to frame a suicide."  
  
,,What? Gretchen?"  
  
,,Yes, and they called me. And I went to Philadelph..."  
  
,,Are you in Philadelpia?!"  
  
,,No, in Shingapore," Ashley said irritated. ,,Let me finish Teej!"  
  
,,OK, OK, sorry."  
  
,,And Gretchen's gone all weird. She accuses me of abandoning her and she...she..."  
  
,,What?"  
  
,,She's jealous."  
  
,,Of what?"  
  
,,I don't know," Ashley lied.  
  
,,I know when you're lying, Spin," TJ said slyly.  
  
,,Of you," Ashley blurted out.  
  
,,Huh? Me? But..."  
  
,,Listen, hun, I've gotta go. I´ll be home by noon tomorrow. Bye!" Ashley had seen Dr Weaver coming out of Gretchen's room. She threw on the phone and ran her fingers nervously through her hair. She suddenly wished that she was still young and slender. She had become quite plumpish after the youngest child. But she was still charming, with thick, jet black hair, big, dark eyes and a beautiful face. She was...a mature woman.  
  
,,Mrs Detweiler!" Dr Weaver exclaimed and walked fast toward Ashley. God, is that man hot or what? Ashey thought. He paralyzes with one smile.  
  
,,Ye-yes?"  
  
  
  
Gretchen's POV  
  
*this happened while Ashley was talking to the nurse, Dr Hill and TJ*  
  
,,M'am?"  
  
,,What?" I hiss and look up. Oh my God. The most handsome man on Earth. Brad Pitt is just a numskull next to him.  
  
,,I'm Dr Weaver." he smiles. Oh, now I'm going red. Help!  
  
,,Gr-Gretchen Grund-Grundler," I studder awkwardly. God, I'm soooo pathetic! He smiles.  
  
,,I saw that your friend rushed out. She seemed a bit...upset?" Of course he notices pretty perfect Spinelli. Everyone do.  
  
,,Huh, Spinelli. She's not my friend. She was my friend," I say and sigh dramatically. Suddenly, I vorhee about how I look. Probably awful.  
  
,,Spinelli?" He seems puzzled. ,,I thought her name was Ashley Detweiler?"  
  
,,Her former last name," I say simply. He shrugges.  
  
,,Anyway, it's not the point. I came here to talk to you. I'm a psychiatrist and..."  
  
,,A psychiatrist!" I shriek. I know how to charm mens, huh? ,,I'm not mad!"  
  
,,No, you're not mad, Miss Grundler, you're ill. I came here to talk to you about your suicide attemt."  
  
,,What about it?"  
  
,,I want you to tell me why you did it."  
  
,,Because I didn't want to live anylonger." Duh? What's with the attitude?  
  
,,Why?"  
  
,,There's no point for me of living anylonger," I say sadly.  
  
,,But you have a splendid career," he says and frownes.  
  
,,Career, yes. But life? No. Besides, if I want to take my own life, it's nones business. it's my business." It's simple. Why do those people have to bug me about this?  
  
,,Miss Grundler, you're tired. I'll be back here in the morning," Dr Weaver, Mr Extremely Handsome says. He stands up and leaves.  
  
,,Goodbye," I whisper after he's slammed the door.  
  
  
  
I'm working on chapter 5 now....I want some reviews....  
  
Ashley.... 


	5. A little world of their own...

Disclaimer: I don't own the Recess characters.  
  
Chapter 5!  
  
,,I wanted to talk to you about Gretchen."  
  
,,I-I'm afraid I won't be very helpful," Ashley studdered. Dr Weaver's glance became ambiguit.  
  
,,But you know her, right?"  
  
,,Yeah, I know her, we're childhood friends, but it's over now."  
  
,,Why did you come over then?" Dr Weaver seemed puzzled. Ashley frowned.  
  
,,I thought there might be a chance. But there isn't."  
  
,,Why, Mrs Detweiler?"  
  
,,Ask your patient, Dr Weaver. I'm leaving." Ashley turned on her heel and walked fastly out of the hospital.  
  
* Gretchen's POV*  
  
*flashback*  
  
iI look OK, a 15 year-old Gretchen thought happily where she stood in front of her mirror. She had spent the last two hours in preparing for The Winter Dance. She was wearing a long and tight yellow dress and high- heeled golden shoes. She had two golden hairslides in her reddish hair and she was wearing make-up for her first time (AN: Weird huh?). Her usually small and dull-looking eyes seemed now big and bright behind the glasses.  
  
Maybe TJ will even notice me, she thought and smiled in the mirror. He didn't have a date, as far as I know. Neither do I...maybe we'll dance and...and...maybe...  
  
,,Gretchen! You want a ride to the ball, hun?"  
  
,,Coming, Mum!" Gretchen said and grabbed her purse. God, was she excited or WHAT?  
  
When Gretchen entered, the gymnasium was full of people. She didn't see TJ, though. Oh, well, he just hasn't arrived yet! I'll just sit here, on the benches, and wait, Gretchen thought.  
  
She didn't even fell a little depressed after seeing the Ashleys stunnigly pretty like always, she was too eager to see TJ's look when he'd see her so good-looking. But then she saw the sight..that changed her life..  
  
TJ. All dressed up and almost incredibly handsome (AN: He's 15, ya know!). And...Spinelli. Their arms were linked.  
  
Gretchen felt like she'd been punched in the stomach when she saw Spinelli. She looked gorgeous. Her raven black hair in a perfect up-do, her face was so perfectly painted that she looked prettier than ever, if that was possible, and she was wering this beautiful red dress, that really shoved off her curves, making Gretchen felt more flat-chested and gangly than ever. But the worst part, for Gretchen, was that TJ stared at Spinelli with this look on his face, like...like...Spinelli were the juiciest ice-lolly in the freezer and he wants to lick her all up (AN: God, I'm getting lame)  
  
Gretchen saw that nigh, that TJ would never, ever be hers. He was Spinelli's, and Spinelli was TJ's. Gretchen never, ever had a chance.  
  
She didn't know that because she saw them dancing together almost the whole night. She didn't know that because she saw them snogging under the benches.  
  
She knew it because when she saw them looking into each other's eyes and laugh, the look on their faces was like they had a little world of their own. Like nothing else really mattered.  
  
Something that I'll never get to know, Gretchen thought sadly when her mother picked her up./i  
  
*end of flashback*  
  
Yup, the night that changed my life. That night that made me so...weird. I'm 40 years old, and I'm still a virgian. And I've never been kissed. Never.  
  
It can't be healthy, still being in love with him. It can't be! Maybe I do need a psychiatrist...Dr Weaver seems OK. And handsome. Incredibly handsome. And nice. But he's probably married. Or at least engaged.  
  
I turn my head so I can see out of the window. I can see the parking lot. And a car driving away from the hospital. Probably Spinelli. Going home...  
  
  
  
Sorry about the wait...I've been taking some scary exams and stuff. I'm working on the next chapter....  
  
Ashley  
  
P.S. I'm looking for better title than ,,Emty life". Any ideas????  
  
A.I.A. 


	6. Back to the beginning...or what?

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the story and a few characters. And I don't own the song ,,Nobody wants to be lonely".  
  
AN: I want to thank the reviewers! They made me so happy :-) And, yeah, sorry about the wait. Dad went bananas because of the phone bill (honestly, $200 aren't THAT much) and has put me in a computer bann. But he's at work now, hehe.  
  
My sister censored this FINAL chapter. She says I'm totally stuck in the mushy stuff. But I couldn't help it...  
  
It's a songfic. Sorry if you don't like songfics...but I couldn't resist. The song fits quite well!  
  
And, I want to thank Manga 200 for the title! I fell in love with it immediately!  
  
  
  
*Gretchen's POV* (Two weeks later...)  
  
I'm off the hospital. Thank God. But I have to go to some appointments to Dr Weaver. It shouldn't be too bad. We've gotten quite a good friends when I was staying at the hospital. Not a doctor-patient friends, I think. Friend-friend friends.  
  
I open the door to my apartment. It's emty. Of course. The only difference is that that all my plants are dead.  
  
I look at the phone answerer. No messages. Hah! Who would EVER call me?! I don't know why the hell I bought it.  
  
Then I look at the pink scar on my skinny wrist. Maybe I should try again? Not the knife, though. Maybe the Valium pills.  
  
Although I've hardly thought as much about TJ since Spinelli scolded me. I've been thinking about another man. Who's totally out of reach.  
  
  
  
There you are  
  
In a darkened room  
  
And you're all alone  
  
Looking out the window  
  
Your heart is cold  
  
And lost the will to love  
  
Like a broken arrow  
  
  
  
Dr Weaver. Larry.  
  
I will never have him. I'm destined to be lonely and miserable. I've just gotten over TJ, and now am I in love with HIM!  
  
I reach for the pill box. Shakily.  
  
  
  
*Dr Weaver's POV* ( in his apartment)  
  
Gretchen. An interesting woman. Not pretty....but interesting. Incredibly smart. It's nice to talk to her. She somehow....understands me.  
  
I shouldn't be thinking about a patient like that. But I can't help it. There's just something about her. Something deep and mysterious...something that I want to get to know.  
  
 Here I stand in the shadows  
  
Come to me  
  
Come to me  
  
Can't you see that  
  
Nobody wants to be lonely  
  
Nobody wants to cry  
  
My body's longing to hold you  
  
So bad it hurts inside  
  
Time is precious and it's  
  
Slipping away  
  
And I've been waitin' for you all  
  
Of my life  
  
Nobody wants to be lonely  
  
So why  
  
Why don't you let me love you  
  
Yes, I love her. Hah! I said it! Am I professional or what! A psychiatrist falling in love with a patient! A patient who's obsessed with her first love.  
  
That's why she'll probably never love me. We're just friends.  
  
*flashback*  
  
,,Hello Gretchen," I say cheerfully. She smiles.  
  
,,Hello, Dr Weaver."  
  
,,Just call me Larry." She smiles again. I feel this strange feeling welling upp inside me. I haven't felt like this since I broke up with my ex-girlfriend Daisy four years ago. I thought I could never love a woman again. Was I wrong?  
  
*end of flashback*  
  
Can you hear my voice  
  
Do you hear my song  
  
It's a serenade  
  
So your heart can find me  
  
And suddenly you're  
  
Flying down the stairs  
  
What am I doing? I just grabbed my coat and rushed out of the apartment and into my car.  
  
I'm heading to her's place. I somehow got the feeling that I HAD to see her.  
  
*Gretchen's POV*  
  
Into my arms, baby  
  
Before I start going crazy  
  
Run to me  
  
Run to me  
  
'cause I'm dyin'  
  
I'm pouring some vodka to a glass. It spills to the floor and in my lap but I don't care. The only thing I can think of is Larry.  
  
I spill the pills to the table. How many will I need?  
  
Nobody wants to be lonely  
  
Nobody wants to cry  
  
My body's longing to hold you  
  
So bad it hurts inside  
  
*Larry's POV*  
  
Time is precious and it's  
  
Slipping away  
  
And I've been waitin' for you all  
  
Of my life  
  
Nobody wants to be lonely  
  
So why  
  
Why don't you let me love you  
  
I'm running up the stairs to her apartment. I have this strange feeling. That something bad will happen to her if I don't make it in time.  
  
*knock knock* (AN: Ok, that was stupid)  
  
*Gretchen's POV*  
  
,,Huh?" Who's spilling my private death? Again.  
  
,,Who is it?" I shout.  
  
,,Gretchen?"  
  
I feel my heart skip a beat. I quickly hide the pills and the voska glass. I open the door.  
  
   
  
I wanna feel you need me  
  
Just like the air you're breathin'  
  
I need you here in my life  
  
Don't walk away  
  
Don't walk away  
  
Don't walk away  
  
Don't walk away, no  
  
,,Larry," I say softly.  
  
,,Gretchen...I...I...."  
  
He's shaking. I led him worriedly to the sofa. I sit next to him.  
  
,,What's wrong?" I ask gently.  
  
*normal POV*  
  
Neither of them says anything. Larry simply takes Gretchens hand and squeezes it gently.  
  
They both knew that handshake would last forever.  
  
Nobody wants to be lonlely  
  
Nobody wants to cry  
  
  
  
Yay! It's finished! But I won't refuse some reviews! :-)  
  
Then I'll MAYBE make a sequel. With Spin and TJ.  
  
Ashley 


End file.
